It gives me strength to have somebody to fight for; I can never fight for myself, but, for others, I can kill.

Long story short. After my last post, I spiraled down into the Abyss again and attempted suicide again... and failed again obviously.
This time I took nearly 400 pills consisting of sedatives, pain meds, anxiety meds, every other medication I could get my hands on, Dramamine (to keep them all down), and chased it down with Mike's Harder Limeade. It was a pile of rainbow candies that could kill. Or so I thought...

Yes I was discovered.
No, the ambulance wasn't called.
Yes, I am fucking Immortal.

Seriously... I dont know how I lived. I was out for like... 3 days? Maybe? And I didn't even get out of bed until 2 days after that.

So.. We have me, near (but not close enough) Death for 3 days, and not even moving out of my bed for a total of 5 days.
That's 5 days of no food. 5 days of no water.

And when I finally did get out of bed, I was too weak to walk to the other side of the house to eat or drink. And the closest thing to me was... more alcohol. Thus calories to give me energy to get me to food. Needless to say I missed both the appointment with my doctor and with my therapist.

My daughter's 9th birthday is being celebrated Sunday.
Monday I'm going to the "mental health center".
I don't know when I will get out this time.
All I know is that obviously 12 days was nowhere near long enough to become strong enough to believe I am worth anything.

Cause I don't believe it. I never have. And when I got out, I believed it just the tiniest bit. ...and we see how well that went.
Well... now we begin again.

Healing the Moonchild
Take: 2